No Means No!

Dear Everyone,

If I am TiVo-ing the game, leave me the hell alone.

One time Lou got really mad at me because I said “as a friend, if I know you are going to watch today’s game tonight, and I know it is a waste of time, do you want me to tell you?” A moral conundrum, I know. But the simple and obvious answer is “Hell No, Sally!”

Sister, please. If I am TiVo-ing the game, leave me the hell alone.

Here is how my day went today, Opening Day 2008:

9:00 PST – Arrive at work where boss is Cubs fan. Tell him and others in my office that I do not want to know anything about the game. Email same message to brother, dad, friends.

9:24 – receive email from my brother who says Cubs are losing 13-1.

9:27 – receive email from my father who says Cubs are losing 13-0. Original.

11:20 – PST discover there is a rain delay, close browser windows for the rest of the afternoon.

11:20-2:20 – Get bored, re-open browser, sit around trying not to go to ESPN.com, Cubs.com, Cubscast.com, blogs, etc out of sad and pathetic muscle reflex. It’s harder than you think.

2:20 – My boss comes out of his office angry. I run away shouting LALALALALA so he won’t say anything.

2:22 – receive email from friend with subject line CUBS L - ask co-worker to screen email for any game info. There is just a link to a 100 year curse article. Great.

2:23 – Receive the following text message – “I know you don’t wan’t to know anything but if someone is injured do you want to know then?”

2:24 – My boss says “Do you want to know if Zambrano leaves the game due to injury? I mean hypothetically”

2:25 – Hear the 7th inning stretch. Assume Zambrano was good enough to make it into the 7th before getting injured so the Cubs must be winning or at the very least, tied. Leave office before the end of the stretch because if I hear “Let’s get some runs” I will know they are losing.

2:55 – People start to gather in office to watch an exciting finish of some sort. I decide to use the bathroom. For an hour. Now I know there has either been another rain delay or it is extra innings. Plus, single ply toilet paper is not fun, even if your name is not Kaz Matsui.

4:00 – Some kid with a cubs hat randomly walks into my office and shakes his head at my boss and me. I assume this could have to do with Zambrano’s injury. Perhaps he is on the 240 day disabled list.

5:45 – I have made it all day! 15 minutes until the end of work, when I can go home to watch the game. I have to instant message someone for work purposes. I see the following status message on AIM (see picture above. If you can’t read it, it’s an AIM status message that says ‘effing cubs’).

So people, please. Until President Obama makes Opening Day a national holiday (paid, of course) leave me the hell alone for 24 hours. That is all I ask.