Chicago Cubs Fan Manifesto

Part of what makes a play-by-play announcer serviceable is the ability to distinguish between typical and atypical on the baseball diamond. It’s something that can’t be taught, and the most endearing announcers are just plain honest, never faking their surprise or non-surprise at what happens over the course of a game. For that reason it makes no sense that Reds broadcaster Marty Brennaman would launch the verbal barrage that he did after Adam Dunn’s HR. He called atypical “typical,” and he got it wrong.

Brennaman’s misplaced, insert-a-quarter-to-begin anger combined with his partner Jeff Brantley’s goat fantasies hasn’t only elicited an angry response from Cubs fans, it’s also put pen to paper for Jay Mariotti, who in his latest column lumps ThrowbackGate in with other embarrassing Wrigley moments, calls for reform, and calls it a day. I don’t know his motivation or his publisher’s, and I didn’t appreciate certain references in the article but on the point of reform Mariotti is dead on. The line between the typical and atypical Cub fan has to be drawn, to keep real Cubs fans sane and broadcasters out of more trouble.

I’d like to suggest that we come up with a basic Cubs fan manifesto. It won’t fit every fan perfectly, but here are some basic things I’ll put out there:

• We the Cub fans take every pitch, every inning, and every game (but not ourselves) too seriously. How else would we have survived World Series victories by the Cardinals and White Sox in consecutive years?




• We the Cub fans acknowledge that our fandom is expressed in various and divergent ways — some of us prefer Steve Goodman’s “Go Cubs Go” and some prefer “A Dying Cub Fan’s Last Request”




• We the Cub fans heckle in good fun, and with the knowledge that your team’s slugger or ace is several years older than his listed age.




• We the Cub fans don’t drink ourselves stupid at Wrigley — we have more respect for the current team, former players, and each other than that.




• We the Cub fans hope you get kicked out if you drink yourself stupid at Wrigley, and may choose to not reach for any foul balls hurtling towards you.




• We the Cub fans outnumber you, sometimes at your ballpark.




• We the Cub fans are proud to be represented by the best fan of any sports or team, Ernie Banks.

What would you add to the manifesto? Leave a comment and let us know.