Photo Caption Contest: Reed Johnson Edition – April 13 – 19

Theriot: So what do you think he’ll say if I tell Fontenot I love him?

Johnson: I’m seriously just trying to stretch here, man.

Hey Reedy, can you show me where Bradley hurt himself again?

Dude, I told you, I’m not going to do couple’s yoga with you outside of the clubhouse.

Yeah I stretch regularly so that I can rob fat men of homeruns. Obviously it’s working.

Look, Ryan, I appreciate you coming to Lamaze classes while my wife’s on bed rest, but . . . next time you have to be the woman.

Ah, ReJo, I don’t know how to tell you this, but when you do that, you remind me of my dog when he drags his butt on the grass.

Gold Bond in the Windy City!: Priceless.

One day Ryan i will show you how to use that glove right there, one day!

Johnson: “Ok, man, if I pay you $50, will you make centerfield harder to play on for Bradley?”

Theriot: “$50 for #1, $100 for #2….better choose quickly!”

That jock itch creme that you game me is not working bud!

Theriot: Hey Reed do you think I could borrow your glove over there for a few games while you’re on the bench?

Johnson: Sure Ryan. It will help you catch but you’ll have to find another way to improve your throws.

Reed- “Ryan, isn’t that Lou from Cubscast!”

Ryan- “Let me see…”

Reed- “Don’t stare at him!”

Ryan- “Dude, do you think he’ll give me his autograph? He’s my idle this is going to be soooo cool!”

Theriot: So Reed, I found out why Kosuke smiles when he gets a walk.

Johnson: Really?!?!?!? Why?

Theriot: He told me, “baseball very funny game. Man with four balls no can walk.”

In pre-game warmups, Reed Johnson and Ryan Theriot gave an impromptu clinic on the various methods for taking a dump outdoors. Johnson, demonstrating his “hole in the ground” position, prefers to maintain contact with the ground to avoid leg splatter and undesirable sneak attacks from pranksters or wild animals, while Theriot opts for his “squat and run” technique, which requires less setup time and allows for a faster getaway should the Hendrys discover you on their porch.

Johnson: I think I can be the emergency catcher. I mean I sure can catch the ball.

Theriot: If you think you are going to be the catcher you might want to get the crouch right.

Johnson: Nah, this is my crouch.

Reed: Does this look serious to you?

Theriot: Come on man, do I look like a doctor to you! Get that outta my face.

Look Reed, seriously, I know what you’re feel’n – sometimes I don’t want to get dressed or see any of these people either, but I really need you to put your glove back on and stand up if you want to play left for us today…

Theriot: Yup, its Prince alright.

Johnson: Is he looking at me?

Theriot: Nope. He looks pretty intent on whatever’s in his hand. Must be feeding time.. but watch your back in center.

I hate it when people don’t clean up after their dog!

Theriot: C’mon man, get up. It’s the bottom of the 6th and you’ve just sat there the whole game.

Johnson: You know, bringing back grand slams is too much like hard work. I’m fielding like Fielder now. I’m just gonna stay put and leave right field to get everything.

Theriot: I heard in China you have to use public toilets like this.

Johnson: Oh really? I was doing it this way.

Reed Johnson practicing for his ‘Dorf on baseball’ video shoot.

Ryan preps his Johnson before the game.

“Ya know Reed, this would be tons more fun if there was actually a seesaw underneath us. This virtual teeter-totter is killin’ me.”

After an evening of the Discovery Channel, Reed Johnson describes testicular elephantitis to an enamored Ryan Theriot.

I can’t believe we lost Fontenot out here. Help me look through this high grass so we have him before gametime.

Theriot: Can you explain this twitter 140 characters from home plate thing again?

YAAARGH… I think I’m wearing Fontenots jock again.

Hey Ryan, give me a hand here. I sat right on that sprinkler head.

Theriot: “Ok dont look now, but over your right shoulder, wearing the pink tank top. God I love this place”

Theriot: Ever been to a Turkish prison?

Theriot: Hey Reed, Do you think we took that whole Canadian Bacon thing too far with Harden and Dempster?

Reed: Its not our fault it tastes like crap.

“Hey where’s the rest of the team? I thought we were going to all stretch our adductor muscles together. Look what happened last time Bradley missed his groin stretch”

See Reed? I told you that thing Zambrano does with Fontenot before the games wasn’t fake. You owe me a Culvers.

You know what I haven’t had for awhile? Big League Chew!!!