Posts tagged ‘Barry Bonds’

So The Home Run Derby is on right now. The event is being called by three of the most appalling broadcasters you’ll ever see assembled at one time in Chris “I’m a Roaring Jackass” Berman, Joe “I Think Way too Highly of Myself and Hate Ryne Sandburg” Morgan and Dusty “Gotta Have My Horses to Win” Baker. Each is tragically painful to listen to for different reasons, with Berman probably being the least offensive, at least when he’s not dressed as a “swami” or picking up women in leather.

But the real shame of the Home Run Derby is the lack of participation by the guy I probably hate the most in the entire sport, Barry Bonds. Here’s the thing, Barry Bonds and the San Francisco Giants campaigned for the soon to be home run champ to be part of the All Star Game dating back to February. It was important to the fans of San Francisco, the organization and Bonds himself to have him there in San Fran, in his home park, for the All Star Game. Never mind the extra time and expense involved in cutting a jumbo neck hole into his NL All Star jersey, or the fact that he’s hated by absolutely everyone but Giants fans, San Fran was hosting the game and they wanted him there, and even the national press agreed it was the right thing to do.

So Giants fans pulled together and vote for him in mass on the internet, and he edged out Alfonso Soriano and surprisingly made the team as a starter. And so how does he re-pay his fans? By skipping the Home Run Derby of course– the one event he actually belongs in. Does anyone really want to see this jerk hit second and leave the All Star game early? Heck no, people want to see him hit home runs, and the Home Run Derby, as the name suggests, is the perfect place for it. But he can’t be bothered to do that, his knees are too brittle and he could really mess up that swing by developing too much of a home run stroke in the competition. (And we all know he’s not out there just trying to hit homers, right?) Oh, and as he explained in an extremely soft-hitting interview by Peter Gammons during the Derby, his main goal is to be there, healthy for his team, and the Home Run Derby (which is essentially extended batting practice) could somehow hurt that. This is the same team, mind you, that is in last place and has no chance of contending for the division. And it’s the same team that he is only a part of now for the specific purposes of hitting a record setting home run and spiking ticket sales.

I hate Bonds, but he should have been in this annoyingly covered Derby, he owes it to his fans, and everyone knows it. Including Bonds. But as per usual, he doesn’t care, he’s got that big party to host. If you go, try the dip, I hear it’s full of flax seed oil, HGH, methamphetamines and tiny nuts.