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I don’t really have a problem with Paul Sullivan. I think he’s been pretty interesting when I’ve seen him interviewed during games and despite what the Sneetch had to say about him on our last podcast, I don’t think he hates his life. (Or for that matter, his wife, as maybe I misheard Sneetch??) But as we discussed, Sullivan’s recent article about Zambrano is ridiculously biased. So when Lou put together the below image, I had to post it. After all, what’s the point of having a podcast if you can’t stamp “ass” over someone’s bio once in a while?

偶然だぞ !

We’ve all realized for a long time that having Fukudome would result in unending and oh-so-clever “No, Fuk-u!” t-shirts and bleacher signs. I mean, you have to replace that Cardinals Fans Take it in the Pujols shirt after a while, right? But who knew Cubs fans everywhere would resort to annoying rising sun Karate Kid II headbands? All of the sudden we are Gagne-goatee wearing Dodgers Rangers Red Sox Brewers fans.

But several Cubs fans in the RF bleachers for the home opener were holding up signs featuring Japanese text. An email from Mark in Taiwan to cubscast.com hosts shares the funny story of their mistranslated signs:

Some of the fans had boards with something like “偶然だぞ” written on it. I think the fans were trying to say “it’s gonna happen,” but google translate screwed this up and instead of saying it’s gonna happen to Fukudome’s first appearance at Wrigley Field, the phrase literally means “it’s just a coincidence.”

Mark also writes that another translation would be “DUDE(or noob) , YOU JUST GOT LUCKY ON THAT!!”

No more posting today. Since we’ve now resorted to ethnic based headwear, I’m off to create and market Italian Puerto Rican mustaches for when Geovany Soto bats.

(See below for more current posts & this week’s photo caption contest. New podcast episodes on the right sidebar…)

Dear Everyone,

If I am TiVo-ing the game, leave me the hell alone.

One time Lou got really mad at me because I said “as a friend, if I know you are going to watch today’s game tonight, and I know it is a waste of time, do you want me to tell you?” A moral conundrum, I know. But the simple and obvious answer is “Hell No, Sally!”

Sister, please. If I am TiVo-ing the game, leave me the hell alone.

Here is how my day went today, Opening Day 2008:

9:00 PST – Arrive at work where boss is Cubs fan. Tell him and others in my office that I do not want to know anything about the game. Email same message to brother, dad, friends.

9:24 – receive email from my brother who says Cubs are losing 13-1.

9:27 – receive email from my father who says Cubs are losing 13-0. Original.

11:20 – PST discover there is a rain delay, close browser windows for the rest of the afternoon.

11:20-2:20 – Get bored, re-open browser, sit around trying not to go to ESPN.com, Cubs.com, Cubscast.com, blogs, etc out of sad and pathetic muscle reflex. It’s harder than you think.

2:20 – My boss comes out of his office angry. I run away shouting LALALALALA so he won’t say anything.

2:22 – receive email from friend with subject line CUBS L - ask co-worker to screen email for any game info. There is just a link to a 100 year curse article. Great.

2:23 – Receive the following text message – “I know you don’t wan’t to know anything but if someone is injured do you want to know then?”

2:24 – My boss says “Do you want to know if Zambrano leaves the game due to injury? I mean hypothetically”

2:25 – Hear the 7th inning stretch. Assume Zambrano was good enough to make it into the 7th before getting injured so the Cubs must be winning or at the very least, tied. Leave office before the end of the stretch because if I hear “Let’s get some runs” I will know they are losing.

2:55 – People start to gather in office to watch an exciting finish of some sort. I decide to use the bathroom. For an hour. Now I know there has either been another rain delay or it is extra innings. Plus, single ply toilet paper is not fun, even if your name is not Kaz Matsui.

4:00 – Some kid with a cubs hat randomly walks into my office and shakes his head at my boss and me. I assume this could have to do with Zambrano’s injury. Perhaps he is on the 240 day disabled list.

5:45 – I have made it all day! 15 minutes until the end of work, when I can go home to watch the game. I have to instant message someone for work purposes. I see the following status message on AIM (see picture above. If you can’t read it, it’s an AIM status message that says ‘effing cubs’).

So people, please. Until President Obama makes Opening Day a national holiday (paid, of course) leave me the hell alone for 24 hours. That is all I ask.

UPDATE: Congrats to Zac and Lifesize, the co-winners this first. Each will receive a prize pack that includes a brand new “Rookie of the Year” DVD. Thanks to everyone that submitted a caption!

As announced on today’s Opening Day episode, the Cubscast Photo Caption Contest is back! To submit an entry, simply click on the photo below and enter your caption as a comment. Everyone is welcome to participate (even fans of our Central Division rivals). First prize this week is a Cubscast Prize Pack which includes a Cubs-related DVD. Official Photo Caption Contest Rules.

Contest ends on Sunday April 6th at 8 p.m. CST. Winner will be chosen and announced ‘live’ on Monday April 7th’s podcast.

Thanks again to everyone for participating, and good luck!

As many Cub fans are on their way to Chicago for tomorrow’s opener, there’s no better time than now to answer an e-mail that came in this week. Scott from Fort Myers, FL e-mailed us at hosts@cubscast.com with this question:

My wife and I are taking our first trip to Chicago together (and of drinkin’ age!) at the end of May. I have tickets to the Memorial day game already but I am not sure where to go before the game. Could you please recommend a good pre-game and post itinerary. We are staying downtown near Grant park so please start there!

I also want to stock up on Cubs gear since I can only get Marlins, Rays, or Red Sox crap here. Where can I get the best stuff without spending my whole economic stimulus package?

Thanks

Based on a little experience, a little research, and some advice from friends, I’ve put together a draft itinerary (with directions for walking). The good people at Out of the Ballpark have done an awesome job at compiling some good info, too, including a great map of the neighborhood around Wrigley and some destinations in walking distance. Anyway, here’s the itinerary:

Early a.m.

If you’re staying right near Grant Park, be sure to stop by the Hilton at 720 S. Michigan, since it’s where the Cubs Convention is every year. Enter near Kitty O’Shea’s on the south end of the block and you can walk the length of the block indoors. There is a breakfast option (The Pavilion) right off the lobby, but it’s not very interesting. Exit the hotel on Balbo and get ready to walk a bit. Look right and you’ll be at the corner of Balbo and Michigan Avenue. Start walking north up Michigan Ave, and you’ll cross Jackson, Adams, and Monroe. Optional depending on how hungry you are: Cross over Madison and then walk across Michigan Ave, and you’ll have arrived at Millennium Park. Enjoy out the water-shooting video screens, “The Bean,” and more. Take some pictures of people taking pictures.

Breakfast

Keep walking north up Michigan and cross back over to the west side of the street at Randolph. Keep walking west on Randolph until you get to Wabash and take a right. I recommend South Water Kitchen for a good breakfast. This week the patio probably isn’t open…in May it should be and on a nice day it is perfect.

Mid-morning

After breakfast be sure to head back over to Millennium Park if you skipped it on the way there. Otherwise get back to Michigan Avenue and take a left, checking out some of the historic buildings. You might notice your legs getting tired as you walk…it’s because the sidewalk goes up at a low grade. Soon it’ll pay off as you’ll catch a glimpse of the river when you get to Wacker. Cross and be sure to wave at the people in the WGN 720 studio at the bottom of the Trib Tower when you arrive (on the right side of the street). Also check out that cool white building with all the flags…it bears some importance. From there navigate your way to the Red Line and take it North (towards Howard). Exit at Addison and you’ll be thrust into a moving crowd of Cubs fans.

Wrigley Admiration/Lunch

Once you’re down the stairs and out of the station, follow the crowd towards the park, which will immediately be straight ahead and on your right. Check out Wrigleyville Sports, across the street from the train exit, if you want to get some Cubs swag without breaking the bank. I’d also highly recommend a certain Cubscast Store. After your wallet is lightened you’ll be able to walk faster as you head west on Addison. If you have time, do a full circle around the park. At the halfway point, stop for lunch at the Full Shilling (North of the Park on Clark St.) or at Murphy’s Bleachers (corner of Waveland and Sheffield). Burgers are recommended at the Full Shilling, brats are recommended at Murphy’s. Be sure to count how many times you are asked if you need tickets and/or have extra tickets on your way around the park.

If you’ve got time before heading into the park (or even before getting a bite), get a drink at the Cubby Bear, directly across from the red Wrigley Field sign. Do not give in to McDonald’s or Taco Bell for lunch. You want to enjoy the game, don’t you?

The Game

If the temperature is below 75, you might consider bringing a jacket or wearing an extra layer. It’s seriously not called the Windy City because of the wind, but Wrigley can be chilly and I’ve had many games cut short on account of someone I’m with (see: wife) being cold. This can happen into June and starting again in September. Anyway, enter the park back on Addison (unless you have bleacher seats, with which you’d enter on Waveland and Sheffield). Get an official scorecard once you’re in the park (the grandkids won’t want that $3 newspaper one). Find your seats and then if you’re not in the bleachers, walk down by the third base side and ask an usher if you can take a picture in the Bartman seat. The nice folks in that section are never asked to help, so I’m sure they’ll be happy to indulge such an original request.

Head back towards your seats and grab a few cold ones. Make friendly with the people on the aisle. Make unfriendly with fans of the opposing team by calling their slugger a ‘roider. Duck.

Enjoy the game. Keep score.

Post Party

Depending on the closeness of the game, be aware that all the area bars fill up like crazy after the game…especially Murphy’s and the Cubby Bear. I would never suggest leaving before the end of the 9th…but…you know. If you don’t mind the crowds and a little shoving, those places I just mentioned are fine choices. A better option might be a DIY pub crawl starting on Clark Street south of the park. Be sure to stop by Goose Island and sample some of their beers and I’d also recommend Red Ivy, which has good pizza that not nearly enough people talk about. There are a bunch of other bars right there on Clark, and if you keep walking south you’ll also pass several dining options before you hit Belmont. At Belmont you can take a right and hitch a ride on the el back downtown, or there are some fun things to do, including the Brew and View just south of Belmont on Sheffield.

Post Post Party

If you’re still in Wrigleyville at this point, it is permissible to go to Taco Bell or McDonald’s. Be forewarned that everyone at Taco Bell after 8 pm is absolutely tanked. Keep your receipt, it could be evidence.

That’s it. Have fun, use crosswalks, and if anybody else has some ideas or comments to add please do.

The storylines this Spring so far have been fairly entertaining, with the Cubs youth movement pushing for more playing time in battles for closer, (the fake battle for) center field, and (the semi-fake battle for) 2 starting rotation spots. This is all before mentioning the twist in Felix Pie’s olives or DeRosa’s so-called minor heart surgery. If the Cubs Movie guy had the cameras rolling and celebs talking this March, he would have ended up with a product that perfectly encased what it means to be eternally optimistic and eternally in denial.

That six letter word is always in play for us Cubs fans. And don’t act like you don’t know which word I’m talking about, because that would be a logic loop, not unlike the one that Neifi Perez will operate at your local county fair later this summer. But back to denial. I’m not talking about the 100 year stuff. My name isn’t ESPN, which mentioned the freaking anniversary over and over on cue DURING A SPRING GAME VS. THE ROCKIES.

I’d simply like to direct your attention to the fact that the young guys have played sparkling ball this March, and by and large the veterans have fizzled. But this is glass half full time, see below if you’d like Sheps’ take on the veteran offense, which in my mind has been equivalent to a dripping faucet. But don’t worry because the faucet is only at 85% right now. Whatever that means.

We cannot deny that every young player mentioned in every Brian Roberts rumor is doing well and that it’s causing a headache for Jim Hendry. Murton is doing what he always does, beating out infield hits, getting on base, and beginning to drive the ball with authority. Ronny Cedeno, ye of raw talent and raw brain, has strung together some more hits of late (and more caught stealings). Even Sean Marshall is batting 1.000. He’s also been solid on the mound, fyi. The anchor in the lineup has certainly been Micah Hoffpauir, whose Ted Williams-like spring should land him a spot on the Cubs roster if Sam Zell knows how to sniff a good investment. But the O’s would be even smarter to land a guy who is depositing his hits further from the plate than any other Cub.

With all the exhibition success these guys are having, I can’t deny that it’s affected my own feeling on the Roberts trade, and yesterday it snowed six inches outside of my apartment. I can’t imagine seeing all of this up close as a scout in Arizona and giving the green light to Hendry, despite my own love of clogged bases and the dream of Roberts scoring on smash hits by D-Lee, Soriano, Aram, Fukudome, and Soto.

Has it had an effect on what you think about the trade?

I was thinking a little bit about Derrek Lee and his “struggles” at the plate so far this spring. After going 0-4 in Thursday’s win over the Padres, Lee’s batting average has fallen to a Cedeno-like .105, and he managed to leave 5 men on base batting in the third spot. I love Lee, but let’s be honest, Billy Crystal probably could have done that.

But, if you’re worried about Lee, relax. Apparently there’s a guy you may have heard about named Ichiro Suzuki who, until Thursday, hadn’t gotten a hit in all of spring training. He was 0-22 officially. His first hit? An infield single, followed by 3 ground outs. He’s now hitting .040. See, DLee is more than doubling his fellow batting champion’s numbers.

So the moral of the story is that Spring Training numbers probably don’t mean much. At the end of the year Ichiro and Derrek will be hitting well over .300 and in contention for batting titles in their respective leagues, just like they have been over the last few seasons. But, if you’re still looking for some spring stats to get excited about, how about Felix Pie’s numbers: .321 avg, .607 slugging, and a .406 obp. And that is with a twisted testicle. Just imagine the all star season he’s going to have once his boys are working again…